5 girls and a novela

So I hold an all young woman's Sex and The City Conversation Club. The way it started was my friend GiGi (her name is Gulnar but I'm gonna call her GiGi for short) came to me about a particular past love situation and wanted a second opinion. She was all wrapped up and in love with this Italian kid and after a couple of years of dating, GiGi thought the next best move was to get married. The Italian thought the next best move was to continue to string her along and eventually dump her.

So she asked me with particular curiousity would a man date a woman for say 1 or 2 years and not marry her? If so, why?

I looked at the all the pieces of her puzzle and came up with something reasonable: There is a difference in faith. Most Italians are devout Catholics, and you're Muslim. Most Italian mothers want their sons to marry a nice Catholic girl, but you're a nice Muslim woman. Do you see where I am going here?

Ok, so perhaps that just wasn't good enough and GiGi wasn't buying my bandaids, so she simply closed the book on the fact that he was 100% Sucka and I concurred. But the question was still out there: Why do people who are in love stay together for such a long time and not get married.

It was time to go to Face book-the place where everyone is a therapist

If 2 people are in love, dating each other and living together, why don't they just get married (words from GiGi's mouth)

Here are the responses: "perhaps there are too many options in mates to choose from, making marriage seem less traditional"

"They do not want to make a full time life commitment"

"it may be financial conflicts or worse family conflicts"

"maybe because it is illegal"

"Because some people prefer a laissez-faire relationship; couple that with more education and people are less likely to put marriage and creating a family a top priority."

After we gathered all the answers I decided that she was the perfect Sex and the City watching partner. We pinky sweared that we wouldn't tell our parents and the boys in the hood that we were meeting twice a week to watch, translate and dissect episodes of this novela.

I warned her that she might see several nipples, some ass, and maybe some cunnilingus. She would see women drinking on every occasion including breakfast and cigarette smoking was as normal as brushing your teeth every morning. I asked her to keep in mind that these were actresses and they all had to play a role that mimicked real life. I told her to see all parts of womanhood and friendship and not get too wrapped up in potentially fatal stereotypes. She agreed and agreed some more.

We watched episodes and I waited for her to tell me what she thought. I waited for those magic words that were close to " I have been through something very similar to that". I waited for her to ask me questions about taboo sex and was it okay for women to carry condoms. I waited for her to identify stark contrasts in American women's relationships with men versus those of Azerbaijani women. And we would talk-honestly.

In Azerbaijan arranged marriages exist and far often than not, the arrangement is between two family members (i.e. cousins). My host family were cousins and this abnormal marriage tended to reveal itself with a twinge of shame( not to mention a deformity in my host sisters hand). When I inquired about how they met,my host mother was partly shy about it, but normalized it by adding that many, many people in Azerbaijan do this. I have to assume she thought I would judge her which was why there was a large overcompensating dose of pride.

I use episodes from Sex and The City to build a friendship bridge between two young woman. What brings women together?: beauty,fashion and men (or relationships in general) and all the problems associated with each of these. I also use it as a way to say: Hey, I think your culture is super odd. I mean why are two heterosexual grown men holding hands? But hey, my cutlure is super odd too. We kiss random strangers! 

ON. THE. LIPS! 

Then we spar out our differences only to find something subtly the same. 

Well Sex and The City has turned into an actual club. Twice a week, 4, 5 and maybe 6 young women come together to watch, translate and dissect episodes. We giggle, we raise our eyebrows, I blush when I have to explain something, they blush when they hear it and we wrap it up with a pinky swear that we won't tell our parents and the boys in the hood.

 

I'm thinking at the end of it, maybe GiGi will find out that she's not the only one that has been strung along, dumped and eventually found the guy for her. She just has to "Carrie" on.

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” said C.S. Lewis

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