Its a couple of days before THANKSGIVING. My parents have skipped town only to leave the house and the dogs under our supervision. Their abrupt vacation has created some space for me and my sisters to fend for ourselves. I'm 3 generations far removed from being a cook-so I think we'll have a nice bowl of cereal. Thanks mom and dad. (letting out a big laugh)
What is even more alarming-outside of my natural birthright to being a chef but failing-is that I have no family that I can trust to go celebrate with. My cousin will be in Boston, my aunts and their husbands are opting out of drumming up a feast, and i'm too single to be invited to anyones home to meet their 'mothers' and break bread. Yes I am still single. The candyman was in fact a faggot-the epitome of a downlow brother. A little birdy told me. I was too nervous to sleep with him. Thanks to that little bird.
I'm plugging away with my peace corps. They require at minimum 3 recommendations and luckily I was blessed with 4 with the option to add 1 more. Thanks Dr. Herrington
I was infatuated with a young man that has cared about me since highschool. His crush turned into some strange form of an affair-something I went into with wide eyes. But while he professes his love for me he goes back to sleep with her. Unable to give me 100% left me a little crushed and wasted. Seeing as though i've been in this type of love triangle before-i decide to exit stage left while it was still early. Thanks prior experiences that shape me to be the woman that I am.
A few days before THANKSGIVING and until now-this is all that I'm grateful for. The rest shall remain between me and G-D.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
I love to take tests about myself. this is what I learned.
You are a NEGOTIATOR/explorer You are a big thinker. You easily take the large, long view of almost any topic. You are comfortable juggling myriad facts. You tend to synthesize material easily and to think in webs of factors, not straight lines. You are imaginative and enjoy theorizing. You are also socially savvy. You are good at both talking and listening. And you generally read people's faces, body postures and tone of voice accurately, so you tend to intuitively understand what people want and need. You are also highly compassionate. You care deeply about others. So you sometimes make personal sacrifices to be a supportive friend or colleague. And you like to work to improve the world. You enjoy new ideas and novel experiences. You are flexible, affable and open to adventure. And you admire impulsive, spontaneous people, despite your tendency to plan ahead. You dislike conflict. You seek "win-win" solutions. And with your skill as a negotiator, you adeptly bring peace to the chaotic world around you. You are a warm, insightful and often exciting companion.
In the beginning of a relationship, try not to over think the situation or over—react to minor set backs. If there's chemistry and compassion, it will all work out.
You may be so diplomatic that your potential partner is unclear who you are. Take a chance at being more direct and decisive.
Rather than waiting for the right moment, interrupt now and then with some of your imaginative and broad—minded ideas; it can lead to sparkling, involved conversation and close companionship.
Let a potential partner know your boundaries, needs and hopes. This way he or she will be able to act accordingly to deepen the bond.
Talking is only one form of intimacy. Try doing something side by side with him or her, particularly something new and collaborative.
In the beginning of a relationship, try not to over think the situation or over—react to minor set backs. If there's chemistry and compassion, it will all work out.
You may be so diplomatic that your potential partner is unclear who you are. Take a chance at being more direct and decisive.
Rather than waiting for the right moment, interrupt now and then with some of your imaginative and broad—minded ideas; it can lead to sparkling, involved conversation and close companionship.
Let a potential partner know your boundaries, needs and hopes. This way he or she will be able to act accordingly to deepen the bond.
Talking is only one form of intimacy. Try doing something side by side with him or her, particularly something new and collaborative.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Good evening Serendipity. What can I get you?
I'm thoroughly happy that October is here. I'm learning to let go of sour people. I'm learning to feel confidence in vulnerability. I'm still choosing and not being chosen. The drivers seat is comfortable.
I was having a little emotional rift with a young man who I would always run into-haphazardly. I may not have mentioned him-but this man was essentially my favorite sexual fantasy and my worst emotional nightmare.
We've known each other for 2 years. I use the term KNOWN loosely based on the fact that our interaction has merely been a sexual one. Don't ask me what his favorite color is or what ticks him off. I don't know his middle name(if he even has one) and I've never been in his presence longer than 8 hours. Even 8 hours is an exaggeration. We would run into each other, he'd pop off game, we'd fuck, then I was sent on my way filled with dismal hopes and anticipation. Months would go by without even a mild hello. I would however imagine him speaking to me. In my mind-he was always there. He lived there. He was the boyfriend upstairs. The one that I slept with, woke up to and measured against.
Yet the cycle continues. I was the cat and he was the dirty rat. I always put a lid on my feelings though. The universe is strange. I'm going to say this again later on in the story.
It seemed that every time I thought of him (which took little if no effort) he would reappear. It was like my mind, my thoughts were so strong that he zenned his way into reality. For example-If i went to sleep thinking of him, he would call me early that next morning. If i was thinking of him while i was riding in my car, I would hear him call my name in the street because he had seen me. It was strange-but that's how we are connected. We are connected by our thoughts.
And every single time, I 'brain powered' him back into existence we would make it a point to see each other. And just as if yesterday never existed-we would disappear from each others lives.
It was heartbreaking.
I enjoyed the pain and was never aware of it.
I got off on it and so did he-literally.
Until one day recently I resigned my soul from all earthly desire and walked into the light. The truth was-I didn't enjoy getting my heartbroken. I didn't enjoy holding back all of my emotions in front of him, only to stain my pillow with tears. I didn't enjoy being used. I didn't enjoy the feeling of disappointment nor the feeling of delusional expectations. I didn't enjoy being lied to. I didn't enjoy the Jekyll and Hyde personality that he subtly displayed...that I subtly ignored.
I just walked into the light. He had posted his last 5am phone call filled with empty rhetoric and lies. I urged him to direct his energy elsewhere and cut my ties. He didn't skip a beat and I didn't lose a wink of sleep.
The universe is strange. This time it's a bit of serendipity.
Earlier this year I was struggling with men. Nothing unusual. I had this really great boyfriend with a really great name. He was probably one of my favorites but we didn't work out. It was a struggle. I digress. This one particular cold winter day I was giving my sister a ride to work. It was a frustrating morning because my tire was very low on air and I was a quick spin away from getting air-but we were running late so there was no time for ANYTHING. I mean no time for ANYTHING. But in that moment as I was pulling out of my driveway on a low air tire, taking my sister who was already late for work due to me, not even a block from my house-I had gotten a flat tire.
I called the boyfriend who I had the failing relationship with because if there was one thing we knew about eachother-it was the fact that we could count on eachother-no matter what. But he hesitated. I wasn't clear on why. there was no time to figure out why. THERE WAS NO TIME FOR ANYTHING.
I was sitting on a flat, my sister was late and I was frustrated. A blue car came around the corner and it was a strong buck willing to help 2 damsels in distress. I remember looking at him and his physique. How beautiful he looked-changing my tire. How genuine he was changing my tire.
Upon completion I asked for a card and promised to give him a call. I held on to the card for days-wrestling with my thoughts and my intentions. I tossed the card on the strength of not feeling that he was really interested in me in the first place. Why didn't he ask me for my card? Oh well.
Months later: October 13th 2009 I took myself to an all Male Revue. It was on a whim. I went alone because that's the soloist in me. The men were black, muscular, beautiful, tall, bald, oily, long, thick, funny, charming, direct, paid, sexy, demure, and black. I watched in amazement. It was every porno flick walking the floor-shaking their magic sticks for dollars. I watched as they made their chests jump, their stomachs tighten and their bottom lips swell. I watched as big round hefty, chesty women threw away their savings, their light bills, their manis and pedis. I watched.
I spent 8 bucks on fries and soda.
I watched.
It was part comedy part fantasy act. I watched. At the end of the show, they turned on the lights and the women scattered like roaches. But I hung around because I gave myself permission to flirt with my waiter-who had been extremely kind.
As the dancers passed out their cards to the broke roaches, one tapped me on my back to give me a card. We exchanged smiles, i looked at his body and quieted anything that felt remotely like lust.
I had been down that road before. There was no point in going there with him now. The universe is strange. I thought any occupation is better than no occupation.I thought the smile was genuine and I thought it was perfectly acceptable to call this young fly dancer. I called. He's a virgo. He lives 2 minutes from me. He...................he helped me change my tire.
Tomorrow Serendipity will be ordering french toast. I'm not sure what he's going to have. THATS HIM-NO LIE!
I was having a little emotional rift with a young man who I would always run into-haphazardly. I may not have mentioned him-but this man was essentially my favorite sexual fantasy and my worst emotional nightmare.
We've known each other for 2 years. I use the term KNOWN loosely based on the fact that our interaction has merely been a sexual one. Don't ask me what his favorite color is or what ticks him off. I don't know his middle name(if he even has one) and I've never been in his presence longer than 8 hours. Even 8 hours is an exaggeration. We would run into each other, he'd pop off game, we'd fuck, then I was sent on my way filled with dismal hopes and anticipation. Months would go by without even a mild hello. I would however imagine him speaking to me. In my mind-he was always there. He lived there. He was the boyfriend upstairs. The one that I slept with, woke up to and measured against.
Yet the cycle continues. I was the cat and he was the dirty rat. I always put a lid on my feelings though. The universe is strange. I'm going to say this again later on in the story.
It seemed that every time I thought of him (which took little if no effort) he would reappear. It was like my mind, my thoughts were so strong that he zenned his way into reality. For example-If i went to sleep thinking of him, he would call me early that next morning. If i was thinking of him while i was riding in my car, I would hear him call my name in the street because he had seen me. It was strange-but that's how we are connected. We are connected by our thoughts.
And every single time, I 'brain powered' him back into existence we would make it a point to see each other. And just as if yesterday never existed-we would disappear from each others lives.
It was heartbreaking.
I enjoyed the pain and was never aware of it.
I got off on it and so did he-literally.
Until one day recently I resigned my soul from all earthly desire and walked into the light. The truth was-I didn't enjoy getting my heartbroken. I didn't enjoy holding back all of my emotions in front of him, only to stain my pillow with tears. I didn't enjoy being used. I didn't enjoy the feeling of disappointment nor the feeling of delusional expectations. I didn't enjoy being lied to. I didn't enjoy the Jekyll and Hyde personality that he subtly displayed...that I subtly ignored.
I just walked into the light. He had posted his last 5am phone call filled with empty rhetoric and lies. I urged him to direct his energy elsewhere and cut my ties. He didn't skip a beat and I didn't lose a wink of sleep.
The universe is strange. This time it's a bit of serendipity.
Earlier this year I was struggling with men. Nothing unusual. I had this really great boyfriend with a really great name. He was probably one of my favorites but we didn't work out. It was a struggle. I digress. This one particular cold winter day I was giving my sister a ride to work. It was a frustrating morning because my tire was very low on air and I was a quick spin away from getting air-but we were running late so there was no time for ANYTHING. I mean no time for ANYTHING. But in that moment as I was pulling out of my driveway on a low air tire, taking my sister who was already late for work due to me, not even a block from my house-I had gotten a flat tire.
I called the boyfriend who I had the failing relationship with because if there was one thing we knew about eachother-it was the fact that we could count on eachother-no matter what. But he hesitated. I wasn't clear on why. there was no time to figure out why. THERE WAS NO TIME FOR ANYTHING.
I was sitting on a flat, my sister was late and I was frustrated. A blue car came around the corner and it was a strong buck willing to help 2 damsels in distress. I remember looking at him and his physique. How beautiful he looked-changing my tire. How genuine he was changing my tire.
Upon completion I asked for a card and promised to give him a call. I held on to the card for days-wrestling with my thoughts and my intentions. I tossed the card on the strength of not feeling that he was really interested in me in the first place. Why didn't he ask me for my card? Oh well.
Months later: October 13th 2009 I took myself to an all Male Revue. It was on a whim. I went alone because that's the soloist in me. The men were black, muscular, beautiful, tall, bald, oily, long, thick, funny, charming, direct, paid, sexy, demure, and black. I watched in amazement. It was every porno flick walking the floor-shaking their magic sticks for dollars. I watched as they made their chests jump, their stomachs tighten and their bottom lips swell. I watched as big round hefty, chesty women threw away their savings, their light bills, their manis and pedis. I watched.
I spent 8 bucks on fries and soda.
I watched.
It was part comedy part fantasy act. I watched. At the end of the show, they turned on the lights and the women scattered like roaches. But I hung around because I gave myself permission to flirt with my waiter-who had been extremely kind.
As the dancers passed out their cards to the broke roaches, one tapped me on my back to give me a card. We exchanged smiles, i looked at his body and quieted anything that felt remotely like lust.
I had been down that road before. There was no point in going there with him now. The universe is strange. I thought any occupation is better than no occupation.I thought the smile was genuine and I thought it was perfectly acceptable to call this young fly dancer. I called. He's a virgo. He lives 2 minutes from me. He...................he helped me change my tire.
Tomorrow Serendipity will be ordering french toast. I'm not sure what he's going to have. THATS HIM-NO LIE!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
End of the month and I'm the bitch of the year
Everyone has a cycle. Some months are consecutively GREAT. A couple of months are wearisome and troubling. September was that for me. It rained in my city non stop for several days. I now know I am officially affected by the weather. Then there were days when it didn't rain from the sky, instead it poured from the mouths of people who hated me. Maybe hate isn't the right word-i'll use rejected. Rejected by me but then turned that energy into what felt like hate. I got it from all over the place. More particularly from men than women. I repel women-so my conflicts with them are few and far between.
However there was one notable situation: PAIGE. A woman who became my friend simply because she was the girlfriend of my friend. It always goes something like this: GIRL AND GUY ARE FRIENDS. Guy get ROMANTIC GIRLFRIEND. Romantic Girlfriend wants to become 'chummy' with PLATONIC girl. Romantic Girl becomes spi for russian entities. Platonic Girl is wiser than this. Platonic girl is sure to keep healthy distance. Romantic Girl still seeking dirty dirty information on Platonic girl in order to destroy her. Platonic Girl fear losing guy friend. Platonic girl acts funny. Romantic Girl too suspicious and starts a baseless argument. Platonic Girl no like fight. Platonic Girl cut off guy friend. Guy friend is hurt. Guy Friend Yells at Romantic Girl. Romantic Girl yells at Platonic Girl-she is now branded a cunt! Platonic Girl sad. Oh well!
Bitch of the year!
It's gone on and on like this for a few months. Some people cussed me out via text message. Some cussed me out on facebook. But I did not got that good old face to face. That good old eye contact where true balls are grown and things are said directly to the face-not hidden behind a modicum of walls.
I had long time friends-or people who i loosely call friends-feel so irritated by me for whatever reason that they too jumped on the I hate Malaika bus. It's strange. I mean this month revealed the colors of everyone including myself. I found out how sensitive and overly apologetic I was. I found out that I repeatedly apologized and tried to correct things that really weren't my responsibility. I found out that I like to explain myself too much. I can be just as mean. That's not the revelation, but I did find out that I go out of my way to avoid being mean-or frank-or direct-or less emotional. I avoid all of those things.
Instead I tend to take on whatever faults the other party has dreamed up or concreted in their mind and I find myself saying to them-HOLD ON HERE. THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT or WAIT WAIT WAIT-YOU TOOK THAT THE WRONG WAY. Sometimes the communication comes left field and I'm blindsided by something someone accused me of doing. The memory of this 'thing' that i've done is far removed from my mind and I end up apologizing for making THEM feel bad. All during the process i'm squinching my eyes and shaking my head trying to jog that memory back into my head.
I'm clueless and out of touch. Maybe that's the blessing. I may need to be removed from other peoples miseries simply because I can create enough of my own. And believe me-i've created them.
Speaking of which-did I tell you that i had sex with this man from 2 years back? He's my ghost. His very presence and my passion for him have damn near ruined perfectly good relationships I've tried to have with other men. Its not a funny story at all. Its truly miserable. I call him a ghost because we never really speak to eachother. We don't call eachother or google eachother. We don't stalk eachother or stay 6 degrees seperated. What we do is HAPHAZARDLY run into eachother. I mean it! When I tell you that I run into this man on an accident-I always run into him on a pure accident. there are no coincidences either. I'll think of him for a hot day or two and a week later I will run into him.
We capture such an opportunity-get together to have a salacious night filled with promises and music and many many I'M SORRY's. And the next day I disappear into thin air. He goes back to his 'busy' world and I try to screw a tight lid on those natural emotions.
Well this last time I failed. I spilled all of my dity little beans and just let out all of the heavy I LOVE YOU'S, I FEEL WEIRD, YOU SCARE ME, I'M VULNERABLE, I DON'T WANT TO BE A SEX THING FOR YOU, SCHMICKETY SCHMACK, RANT, RAVE, AND HOLLA!
Do you know whats worse than being cursed out? Being ignored.
I wish I was a real bitch.
real bitches get what they want and keep it moving. They give you that 'so what' factor with a deep shoulder shrug and expressionless face. Maybe to some that's what I did-but I guarantee you I don't have it as a second skin. So i'm not quite bitch of the year-I just got nominated. Next time I'm going for the crown~!
However there was one notable situation: PAIGE. A woman who became my friend simply because she was the girlfriend of my friend. It always goes something like this: GIRL AND GUY ARE FRIENDS. Guy get ROMANTIC GIRLFRIEND. Romantic Girlfriend wants to become 'chummy' with PLATONIC girl. Romantic Girl becomes spi for russian entities. Platonic Girl is wiser than this. Platonic girl is sure to keep healthy distance. Romantic Girl still seeking dirty dirty information on Platonic girl in order to destroy her. Platonic Girl fear losing guy friend. Platonic girl acts funny. Romantic Girl too suspicious and starts a baseless argument. Platonic Girl no like fight. Platonic Girl cut off guy friend. Guy friend is hurt. Guy Friend Yells at Romantic Girl. Romantic Girl yells at Platonic Girl-she is now branded a cunt! Platonic Girl sad. Oh well!
Bitch of the year!
It's gone on and on like this for a few months. Some people cussed me out via text message. Some cussed me out on facebook. But I did not got that good old face to face. That good old eye contact where true balls are grown and things are said directly to the face-not hidden behind a modicum of walls.
I had long time friends-or people who i loosely call friends-feel so irritated by me for whatever reason that they too jumped on the I hate Malaika bus. It's strange. I mean this month revealed the colors of everyone including myself. I found out how sensitive and overly apologetic I was. I found out that I repeatedly apologized and tried to correct things that really weren't my responsibility. I found out that I like to explain myself too much. I can be just as mean. That's not the revelation, but I did find out that I go out of my way to avoid being mean-or frank-or direct-or less emotional. I avoid all of those things.
Instead I tend to take on whatever faults the other party has dreamed up or concreted in their mind and I find myself saying to them-HOLD ON HERE. THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT or WAIT WAIT WAIT-YOU TOOK THAT THE WRONG WAY. Sometimes the communication comes left field and I'm blindsided by something someone accused me of doing. The memory of this 'thing' that i've done is far removed from my mind and I end up apologizing for making THEM feel bad. All during the process i'm squinching my eyes and shaking my head trying to jog that memory back into my head.
I'm clueless and out of touch. Maybe that's the blessing. I may need to be removed from other peoples miseries simply because I can create enough of my own. And believe me-i've created them.
Speaking of which-did I tell you that i had sex with this man from 2 years back? He's my ghost. His very presence and my passion for him have damn near ruined perfectly good relationships I've tried to have with other men. Its not a funny story at all. Its truly miserable. I call him a ghost because we never really speak to eachother. We don't call eachother or google eachother. We don't stalk eachother or stay 6 degrees seperated. What we do is HAPHAZARDLY run into eachother. I mean it! When I tell you that I run into this man on an accident-I always run into him on a pure accident. there are no coincidences either. I'll think of him for a hot day or two and a week later I will run into him.
We capture such an opportunity-get together to have a salacious night filled with promises and music and many many I'M SORRY's. And the next day I disappear into thin air. He goes back to his 'busy' world and I try to screw a tight lid on those natural emotions.
Well this last time I failed. I spilled all of my dity little beans and just let out all of the heavy I LOVE YOU'S, I FEEL WEIRD, YOU SCARE ME, I'M VULNERABLE, I DON'T WANT TO BE A SEX THING FOR YOU, SCHMICKETY SCHMACK, RANT, RAVE, AND HOLLA!
Do you know whats worse than being cursed out? Being ignored.
I wish I was a real bitch.
real bitches get what they want and keep it moving. They give you that 'so what' factor with a deep shoulder shrug and expressionless face. Maybe to some that's what I did-but I guarantee you I don't have it as a second skin. So i'm not quite bitch of the year-I just got nominated. Next time I'm going for the crown~!
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
4 stupid things
I was ill the last couple of days. I had a lot of thoughts and expericences but not enough energy to concentrate my thoughts and put them down. Lets give an update.
1. I have not found a job, but I have signed up to volunteer with some organizations that I think will keep me abrest on what's happening inthe international community. I feel good about it.
2. I am still single and growing more apathetic.
3. I'm losing weight-125lb and learning how to cook vegetarian seeing as though my tummy is as delicate as an eggshell
4. I'm starting to resent having roommates.
Lets get into elaboration.
[I]This job search has diminished my energy and is very discouraging. It makes one not even wish to try anymore. I know i can't give up because my heart wants something really bad, but i've lost the wind in my sail it seems. This month was pretty stagnant from beginning to end. I decided to volunteer for a forum to discuss refugee policies and the like. I'll be there to take notes, network(I hope) and meet other likeminded people. In the meantime, I collect unemployment and attend real estate investing meetings to get the wift of whats going on in the market and how I can get my slice of the pie. haveb't had any pie yet. I will keep you posted however.
[II] The single thing isn't worth too many words. It simply is what it is. I've given my number out only to turn around and play phone tag. On a normal day and in my normal skin, I would rant and rave and kick rocks, but this time I'm more apt to shrug my shoulders say fuck it and keep rolling like a stone.
[III] I can't keep anything down. I feel afraid to eat almost. Nothing like stomach cramping, the shitz and feeling like you have to throw up. I don't know if this is in my mind or my body is really rejecting food. Whatever it is-I'm having a difficult time. I tried to eat a bowl of cereal and couldn't finish because the taste went from appetizing to gross in less than 5 minutes. I stand in my kitchen and look at food that I know I can eat-but i'm on the fence about eating. I feel like a slave to salads. In the meantime I'm losing all this weight and I haven't gained an ounce of that MAGNFICENT FEELING. There is nothing sexy about a skinny body with a big head. My body needs to fit my head which is pretty big and wobbly.
[Iv] I love my sister. She's been here since day one. She's one of my favorites but she's also messy and irresponsible. She pays her rent late and I find myself hesitating to ask her for the rent that she OWES ME. She runs lines on her facebook about her gym membership, her shopping addiction and her many trips to this place and that place. Its annoying. Its annoying to tell her to wash the dishes or do her part in cleaning the house. Its annoying to ask her to take cre of her responsibilities. I'm at another phase of my life-TOO OLD FOR THIS. I tend to start my disgruntled feelings with this very line. I'M TOO OLD FOR THIS. pushing myself into a grave early* but it is the God honest truth. I am too old to have roommates.
My next blog will not be about bitching. scouts honour!
1. I have not found a job, but I have signed up to volunteer with some organizations that I think will keep me abrest on what's happening inthe international community. I feel good about it.
2. I am still single and growing more apathetic.
3. I'm losing weight-125lb and learning how to cook vegetarian seeing as though my tummy is as delicate as an eggshell
4. I'm starting to resent having roommates.
Lets get into elaboration.
[I]This job search has diminished my energy and is very discouraging. It makes one not even wish to try anymore. I know i can't give up because my heart wants something really bad, but i've lost the wind in my sail it seems. This month was pretty stagnant from beginning to end. I decided to volunteer for a forum to discuss refugee policies and the like. I'll be there to take notes, network(I hope) and meet other likeminded people. In the meantime, I collect unemployment and attend real estate investing meetings to get the wift of whats going on in the market and how I can get my slice of the pie. haveb't had any pie yet. I will keep you posted however.
[II] The single thing isn't worth too many words. It simply is what it is. I've given my number out only to turn around and play phone tag. On a normal day and in my normal skin, I would rant and rave and kick rocks, but this time I'm more apt to shrug my shoulders say fuck it and keep rolling like a stone.
[III] I can't keep anything down. I feel afraid to eat almost. Nothing like stomach cramping, the shitz and feeling like you have to throw up. I don't know if this is in my mind or my body is really rejecting food. Whatever it is-I'm having a difficult time. I tried to eat a bowl of cereal and couldn't finish because the taste went from appetizing to gross in less than 5 minutes. I stand in my kitchen and look at food that I know I can eat-but i'm on the fence about eating. I feel like a slave to salads. In the meantime I'm losing all this weight and I haven't gained an ounce of that MAGNFICENT FEELING. There is nothing sexy about a skinny body with a big head. My body needs to fit my head which is pretty big and wobbly.
[Iv] I love my sister. She's been here since day one. She's one of my favorites but she's also messy and irresponsible. She pays her rent late and I find myself hesitating to ask her for the rent that she OWES ME. She runs lines on her facebook about her gym membership, her shopping addiction and her many trips to this place and that place. Its annoying. Its annoying to tell her to wash the dishes or do her part in cleaning the house. Its annoying to ask her to take cre of her responsibilities. I'm at another phase of my life-TOO OLD FOR THIS. I tend to start my disgruntled feelings with this very line. I'M TOO OLD FOR THIS. pushing myself into a grave early* but it is the God honest truth. I am too old to have roommates.
My next blog will not be about bitching. scouts honour!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Sundays with Vino Libro
Today is my personal Sunday(9/13/2009). Personal "Sunday" and entail a list of things. I may sleep the entire day away with a bag of candy or Doritos chips thumbs reach from me. I may go for a walk and pretend I'm working out, clogging my ears with re-run tunes on my ipod. I may clean my entire house against the beat of spanish music or whatever is handy on XM radio-(gotta plug them). However this particulr day I opted to throw on a jump suit, tanned shoulders exposed, and hopped from one free wifi spot to the next.
I gave Panera Bread a shot-but the atmosphere was too chatty
I ventured over to Barnes & Nobles, but too many patrons think its a library. God forbid I want to play my pandora. I'd get the outcasted glares I'm sure.
The ended at a place called VINO LIBRO. Don't ask for an address. I'd hate for this place get flogged by the unsuspecting few who come here and are clueless about wine and the black people who drink it.
Its sunday night foot ball and the crowd is light. I'm sitting on a rounded cushion seat(black and tan) with a table upholding a glass of Rose, and 3 serving containers of Hummus Trio. It's really tasty.
I get to eat pita bread and reflect on the different flavors of ground up chikpeas. But i'm not truly reflecting on pita bread more so about my life and where its going.
I'm about to be 28. My youngest sister who is 21 is 9 weeks pregnant. My middle sister who has been living with me for the past 5 years is raining on my "Independence" parade. I have to sneak to masturbate. So in this time I need to formulate a plan so that my life can do a 180 degree turn around.
Hence my personal Sundays.
My thoughts are scattered-under duress of alchohol. I've looked up everything from jobs to new places to live. I've scoured singles websites to used motorcycle ads. Its more than obvious that today is a directionless day.
I run through my mind time and time again what my significance on this earth should be. I've checked all 80 versions of my horoscope and to no avail I have no direction. Maybe this is one of those days that doesn't have to include direction or purpose. Pure existence should be settling and calming. Introspection should be satisfying. Reverence for what I have should be graciously accepted. Perhaps grace is the only trail I should follow. Perhaps appreciation and gratitude should be in the forefront. Just once-instead of looking for something else, maybe i'll just look for what is here. My personal sundays with Vino Libro. How many people can say they've had at least that?
I gave Panera Bread a shot-but the atmosphere was too chatty
I ventured over to Barnes & Nobles, but too many patrons think its a library. God forbid I want to play my pandora. I'd get the outcasted glares I'm sure.
The ended at a place called VINO LIBRO. Don't ask for an address. I'd hate for this place get flogged by the unsuspecting few who come here and are clueless about wine and the black people who drink it.
Its sunday night foot ball and the crowd is light. I'm sitting on a rounded cushion seat(black and tan) with a table upholding a glass of Rose, and 3 serving containers of Hummus Trio. It's really tasty.
I get to eat pita bread and reflect on the different flavors of ground up chikpeas. But i'm not truly reflecting on pita bread more so about my life and where its going.
I'm about to be 28. My youngest sister who is 21 is 9 weeks pregnant. My middle sister who has been living with me for the past 5 years is raining on my "Independence" parade. I have to sneak to masturbate. So in this time I need to formulate a plan so that my life can do a 180 degree turn around.
Hence my personal Sundays.
My thoughts are scattered-under duress of alchohol. I've looked up everything from jobs to new places to live. I've scoured singles websites to used motorcycle ads. Its more than obvious that today is a directionless day.
I run through my mind time and time again what my significance on this earth should be. I've checked all 80 versions of my horoscope and to no avail I have no direction. Maybe this is one of those days that doesn't have to include direction or purpose. Pure existence should be settling and calming. Introspection should be satisfying. Reverence for what I have should be graciously accepted. Perhaps grace is the only trail I should follow. Perhaps appreciation and gratitude should be in the forefront. Just once-instead of looking for something else, maybe i'll just look for what is here. My personal sundays with Vino Libro. How many people can say they've had at least that?
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