How I deal with being Black in Azerbaijan: THE TAO

Disclaimer: This post is going to be a rather dry read as I drop a little bit of knowledge that may put you to sleep. Feel free to exit at anytime.

From the moment I received my invitation until now, I have not lived a single day where the color of my skin wasn't at the forefront of discussion. I remember the placement officer telling me that Peace Corps wanted to expand the presence of more minorities in Eastern Europe. Then I got my invitation and cried my eyes out. I remember arriving to Baku, Azerbaijan attending orientation after orientation with other Americans, and some of the hotel staff inquired about where I was from or if I was indeed African. 

I can testify to the fact that I have been called Nigger, Obama, Chocolate, Qara Qara (complete with giggles), Carib, Republiska Dominica, Cameroon, Booga Booga Booga (this is a sound effect not so much a name) and last but not least Africa. I've responded in different ways. Sometimes I pull out my phone and pretend I'm talking to someone so that people hear that I speak English (this is called going into imperialist mode). Sometimes I turn around and in plain Azerbaijani say Qara?! Bəli amma Mən Amerikalyəm (Black?! Yes, but I am American) (this is called pity for ignorance mode). On a few occasions I scurry off somewhere to cry, internalizing the name calling/finger pointing/gawking/giggling succumbing to feel rather inadequate (this is called breakdown mode).

Yet more often than not I do nothing. Absolutely nothing. Because it happens so frequently that crying, or speaking to my imaginary friend in English on the phone, or having a 'teachable' moment just isn't worth the energy in many cases.

Mastering yourself is true power ~The Tao

I know part of my job is to share American culture with Azerbaijani's and vice versa. I think when I walk down the street, I am sharing my American culture. Yes I am indeed black. I have a complicated history that dates back to the slave trade which is how I got to America in the first place. Europeans have destroyed any direct link to my ancestry which by almost any standard is on par with one of the greatest tragedies on earth. That's not even up for argument. You'll have to swallow that pill my friend. I will never be able to tell my grandchildren exactly what part of Africa they are connected to and I believe that's why I experience angst.

Azerbaijanis want to place me on a map. They  so desperately want to figure out from where did I come. Yes, they understand that I am American but before that where? Sadly I cannot tell them. I'm sure many people cannot tell them ( I think of volunteers that have been adopted). So should I go through an entire schpill about the slave trade? Maybe but then I don't want to further any other mis-education because African culture definitely did not start with the slave trade. There was something else that happened before slavery that I'm more akin to.

When Azerbaijani's come up to me with all that courageous university English and say " You're from Cameroon right?" I blink a couple of times, swallow that plum pit in my throat and say " uhm, yea! Yea! I'm from Cameroon." And then I give a nod to all Cameroons when they say " You're studying in our University-here in Baku? Right?!" " No, no, I already have an education. Thank you. Sagol!"

The master has no mind of her own. She works with the mind of the people.~ The Tao

I really submit to these situations no matter how hurtful or childish they seem. I know that the culture is young and fighting stagnation. I know I am an interesting specimen never before seen in real life to many people which is why I get the reaction that I get. All I have to do is simply be my brown self. I don't have to tout around some American flag or speak English or explain much of anything to anyone. I can just show up, stand still and that's when it happens. The wheels will start turning in peoples minds. They will be moved to point, they will be moved to make nonsensical comments, they will be moved to inquire and I will have to do nothing but show up. They will go tell their neighbors, their wives, their cats and dogs, they will run to the grocery stores and all the Xanims (THE MISSES) will flood out into the streets to see me. They will be moved and all I have to do is just show up. I don't have to break out in song or dance, dribble a basketball, rap, wear my hair curly or straight, wreck my neck-none of that. I just have to show up. The skin that I'm in is moving people. They wont forget me and when I'm gone they will wonder. They will be tickled to say to themselves and their friends "See, Azerbaijan has black people. I saw one just the other day." 

The Tao never does anything, yet through it all things are done~ The Tao

Albeit it's not all hurtful or rude or obnoxious. There are occasions where

being black has welcomed a cool effect (only naturally right). Azeris

will find any way to relate to you, either by saying they have a cousin the

same skin tone as me and they think it's qesheng or that they love Akon. 

I will pass men on the street and you'd think they were having a heart attack, 

the way they hold their hands to their chest only able to utter 'Oh My God'. 

I think they should leave the chest attack to Red Foxx. 

It's one of the greatest compliments a girl can receive. I was never able to do that in

the states. I mean I got my fair share of glances but I could never stop traffic. 

Here-I STOP TRAFFIC and I don't have to doll  myself up in order to do it. 

I don't have to wear not one ounce of lipstick, show a line of cleavage, wear heels 

as high as a kite or drown my eyes in liner. I'm still qesheng (absolutely deliciously beautiful).

The mark of a moderate man is freedom from his own ideas~The Tao 

Finally the racism I've experienced here goes back to a very pure truth: occupation, isolation, poor information and recycled memorization. It's complicated. I'm in a world where the people are walking the line of independence but they are not truly free. Nothing is truly free. Even the earth belongs in an orbit. But I am an agent (and merely an agent) of change. I believe in the Tao (along with other instruments of wisdom) and I do the best I can by following it. Because I strive to embody the Tao, I am a replica of it hence encouraging, through my actions or lack there of, other people to follow the Tao as well. Azerbaijanis too follow the Tao. They just don't know it-yet.

Let the Tao be present in your country and your country will be an example to other countries~The Tao.

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