ONE DREAM AT A TIME

This past weekend I went to see " I AM " directed by Tom Shadyac with my boyfriend to celebrate our 9 month anniversary. It was a thoughtful film about human nature versus mother nature and the complex layers of this system called humanity. There was a question posed at the end of the film : " What is wrong with the world?" as well as " What is right with the world?". To both questions, the answer was I AM.

Last week I attended a peace corps mixer in which returned peace corps volunteers (RPCV) engaged in some hopeful peace corps members as well as a sprinkle of invitees (myself). We all met at this refurbished KFC turned Ethiopian restaurant and spread ourselves out amongst tables situated for us to mingle over a plate of cabbage, lentils, split peas, and collard greens. I am the least social person I know. It's not that I'm shy-it's that I don't have enough gumption to go and introduce myself. Nonetheless at my table consisted of my boyfriend, my father and a volunteer that I actually knew-but didn't know would be attending the event. As people were making their rounds, I decided to sit perfectly still. I was too far along the peace corps process to be a hopeful, but I was still fresh enough to question all the experiences. Be that as it may, 2 older gentleman noticed our lonely little table and prepared to join us. The first man-whose name I will withhold-decided to introduce himself as a RPCV who served in Ecuador and was now a fully rehearsed Peace Corps Staff Member with a totally memorized sell of the peace corps-how safe it was-and if I felt the jitters, I could easily get out. The way he told his story sounded as if he had been saying it from one group of people at other tables causing him to press the refresh button as he sat down at ours. It was so stale! The second man that made his way to our table was a bit more interesting. He was a RPCV who served in Swaziland and currently (insert whatever employment you'd like here because he could not tell myself or my party what he did) unemployed. I asked him a pointed question : Did you make a huge impact in your country? His response was: No but I had a fun time. !!!! a fun time????!!!! !!!NO impact???!!! My fathers eyes glazed over in disinterest and my poor little heart sank. The table fell quiet and all of my delusional hopes for change were washed away immediately.

I read many blogs from current peace corps members and I get mixed reviews regarding Azerbaijan. Some speak of mounds of depressions due to the unhealthy living conditions and the lack of privacy during their time with their host families. Some speak of mild contentment as they take each day with a grain of salt. A few are brimming with nothing but good news and experiences keeping their heads knotted to their shoulders making sure that their sense of humor is at arms reach.

The volunteer who sat at my table said something that until now has not stuck-Peace Corps will be what you make it. Finally all has come together for me. The questions: What is wrong with the world? I Am. What is right with the world? I Am! The single lined bit of advice: Life (insert Peace Corps) is what you make it. Absolute!! But keeping all things consistent and I being the center of my little universe, then what to make of anticipated stinky toilets, anticipated fishbowl experience,and my great ambition to impress Azerbaijan?

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