The Emmy's?! I MEAN Site Announcements

Well that’s how it felt. It felt like I was at a small award ceremony where some people got Emmy’s and others just got a consolation prize.  What did I get? Yet to be determined honestly. I’m going to a place called Shirvan which is supposedly 1.5 or 2 hours outside of Baku, the capital. It’s a town area with oil and gas fields and 7km above sea level. The population is about 80,000-which is big enough to not matter, but small enough to sense that you belong. I’ve read that Shirvan is dry flat land and I can get spinach year round.  I honestly couldn’t tell you much more than that. We were all gathered in a classroom when Peace Corps explained the difficult process it was for them to play ‘matchmaker’ when it came to placing volunteers. Then there was a drum roll to which one by one or 2 by 2, people shot up to a huge Azerbaijani map and pinned their photos on their destined location. When it came to me, I could barely hear. There was so much high-fivin’ and yippeeing going on that I almost missed where I was going. What I didn’t hear was where I thought I said I wanted to go and that place was Mingechevir. I wasn’t going to Mingechevir but someone else was which left me feeling a bit inadequate. Especially when my hope bubble burst upon hearing prior to this that a volunteer in Mingechevir was highly unlikely. Speaking of bubble’s bursting, I wasn’t the only one that felt a little deflated. You could see it through all the many fake smiles that people were clapping their hands and cheering for show and show only. As the hour winded down, it became apparent that quite a few people were truly upset. I saw a couple of red eyes and one trainee declared that she wanted to quit. I on the other hand had mixed feelings-feelings that I would not make clear to anyone except to say that I was happy, you know-that good old saving face deal.  But underneath, I was a bit disappointed. I thought back to my site interview and replayed what I had said trying to match up what was given to me.  I asked to be placed to work with college aged youth, but was assigned to a middle school? I could have sworn I said that human rights was the underlying reason as to why I was here. I haven’t figured out the link between that and a library. And finally, I asked to be placed in a larger city-to which maybe that is the case, but maybe not. Many side conversations were conducted in this manner. I tried not to listen or participate. I consoled a volunteer who was downright mad; sensing that Peace Corps had essentially punished her by sending her to a particular region that she adamantly said she did not want to be in. I grabbed her hand and told her that it may be so much better than what she’s thinking. I encouraged her to wait until she got there before she jumped to any final conclusions. I explained that she has so much experience (which she does! She’s worked for a Poet Laureate for Christ sakes!), and she may be a standout volunteer as opposed to someone else who is likely to be sucked up and drowned out by a larger location. Maybe her site was for the strong only and that in itself was a compliment. She can set her own bar, create her own standards and if need be, get away to visit me. Hell-I’m only 1.5 hours away from Baku.  I was holding her hand, but really talking to myself. I’m still talking to myself. Perhaps when I am done mumbling, I will go back and read the agreement I made with the Peace Corps.  Then get to my site and read it again, just in case…

I leave for Shirvan on December 9^th and this is where I will spend the next two years of my life.

There is one lesson I learned, don’t let everyone and their mother know your plans. Keep some things to yourself. Peace Corps is teaching me how to be vague.

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