These are the days

Myself and many like me (several hundred miles away but so close) are all planning for this big transition that shall happen in less than three weeks and I'm no more prepared than I was a year ago. I picked up a waitress job to hold me over for the month of September because fact is, the bills still come even though Peace Corps and Azerbaijan are tap tap tapping at the door. Honestly, I don't know how to not stop and enjoy my little life which became evident on 2 separate occasions.

Occasion one: I'm training as a server in a very bohemian/relaxed restaurant/cafe and all of the servers are super chill-like they just finished smoking something green and holy. But I on the other hand am a frantic, frazzle table busing, food retrieving, order writing brown spec. I can't just lean up against a case of displayed oreo cheesecakes and vegan (<~yes) raspberry chocolate mousse and shoot the breeze. I'm a busy body. Even when I force myself to maintain an ultra cool exterior(which this place wills upon you)-my brain is firing off bolts.

Is now the time to have taken on a new job? Probably not, but I must stay busy.


Occasion two: I was sitting in bed when it dawned on me that it was in fact September and not really August like I had allowed myself to believe. Tears welled up when I thought about how little time I have and how I've dedicated it not to my family, not to my boyfriend, not to sitting back downing a riesling and catching up on a book I bought for 1.99 at the Borders Closeout, not swimming in my parents pool, not visiting some of the refugees I promised to see before leaving, instead..I'm serving up Cabbagetown Breakfast and "chococcinos" with a toothy smile desperate to squeeze out an extra dollar from hippy cheapskates.


My time is sparse and while I'd love to be kicking it until the other shoe drops, I honestly can't. There are so many things that I feel I have to purchase which don't nearly include the things that I want. By the way-why does it seem that all the Peace Corps Volunteers have iPads, kindles, and such? No..here is a better question, why does it seem that I feel that it's necessary for ME to have these gadgets? Won't there be plenty for me to do? Shouldn't there be plenty for all of us to do that these machines should be used as paper holders? -ugh..just makes me shudder!  

In any event I'm working and there are many realities associated with that. On the bright side my sisters and I have a day trip planned to New York courtesy of Airtran and I'm wishing for a co-ed slumber party/pot-liquor luck before I go. I've invited people to come down to the 'chill holy green spot' and share a cup of tea or a glass of Merlot with me and I'm hoping that people take me up on said offer.


September is really here-I mean it is in fact here and there is no turning back. There is no waking up to yesterday or do-overs. No groundhog days. Only the permanence of the rising sun and the promise of tomorrow. The question is-how in the world do I spend the infinite 'now'? 

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